Everyone take a Time Out!

Most of the internet has made me want to throw up today. Romantic and Sentimental are foreign countries to me at the best of times. But shove them in my face covered in glitter and flowers and fricken red velvet cake (which by the way, unless you put beets in it, is just red cake) and now I'm pretty sure I've forgotten to take my malaria pills, drank the water in Mexico, or overdone it on the road-side seafood. Not only is my stomach spinning into a dangerous state of discomfort, but my surroundings are unfamiliar and I don't speak the language!

You might say I'm bitter. But I've actually always found Valentine's Day depressingly silly, even all the years when I had someone handsome to take me on dates. It is the icky-gooey romance that simply does not appeal to me at all. Or maybe I just hate having a schedule for my emotions; I'm supposed to go out of my way to express my love today? Why? I'll tell you I love you when I feel like it. And probably, when you've done something that genuinely makes me feel love for you.

To be clear, I don't hate love or couples or relationships. On the contrary, I'm a relationship junkie. My ultimate goal is to find someone who I can love for the rest of my life. And to help me achieve this goal, Time Out, our trusty guide to all things London, has given the internet the single best article all day: 10 last-ditch chat-up lines for Londoners.

This one is my favourite. I'm tempted to actually use it.